


Grand Theft Cat

by LuckyFireFry



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Funny, Grand Theft Cat, Heist, Peter Felicia Week, or it's supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:35:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25756729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyFireFry/pseuds/LuckyFireFry
Summary: When Felicia withholds something Peter desperately needs he takes something important from her.
Relationships: Felicia Hardy/Peter Parker
Kudos: 24





	Grand Theft Cat

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in all of twenty minutes and it probably shows. Enjoy!

If one were to ever ask Peter would ever steal anything he’d laugh at them. Him? Spider-Man? Steal? Only if it was stealing stolen goods back from bad guys. Or that one time he was nude and had to yank some clothes but that doesn’t count cause he brought them back. 

The point was, Peter wasn’t a thief. He never thought of a time he truly wanted something so bad he’d be willing to steal it. 

Until now that is. 

With skill that’d make a certain white haired thief green with envy he opened the sliding glass doors of the back porch open. He did it so that it didn’t even make a sound. It was more likely the owner of the apartment just kept it well oiled but he liked to think it was his skills that made it quiet. 

He took a quick look around the apartment. It was seemingly empty just as he hoped. If he was correct the owner wouldn’t be back until later that evening. He had more than enough time to get what he wanted and flee the scene of the crime. 

He heard jingling approaching him from the hallway that would lead to the owners bedroom. He looked just in time to see a fluffy white cat with a little bow tie collar come trotting out. The name tag and rabies tags were what had alerted him to the cats arrival. 

“Hi there Fluffers, come here bud.” Peter bent down so the cat could approach and sniff his hand. For such an aloof and sometimes mysterious owner her cat did not match her personality. He bounded over to Peter having recognized his voice. After a quick sniff he rubbed up against his hand and started purring so loud Peter could feel it from the head butts. 

“Aw, I missed you too bud.” He gave the cat a quick head scratch. With his free hand he brought the cat carrier from off his back. He put it down on the floor then flipped the top open. He figured the cat would see the strange thing then bolt. 

Nope. 

For once Peter was lucky. 

The cat detached from his hand to sniff the strange carrier. Then he simply hoped in to it to give it a more thorough sniff down. Peter silently did a fist bump before shutting the poor cat in. From the stories he had been told with this cat and carrier he expected him to start freaking out. 

This time he was right. Immediately he started howling and pawing at the plastic bubble window that would allow him to look out at the world. The guilt Peter felt was horrible. For a brief moment he considered letting the cat out and finding a different way to his target. 

The moment passed when he remembered what was at stake. Doing his best to comfort the cat with his words Peter hurriedly left a note on the coffee table for the homeowner. With any luck he’d have what he wanted before midnight. 

He got what he wanted and more by ten. Apparently she had called it an early night that night and had just missed PEters first breaking and entering that wasn’t to stop a bad guy. Well, she wasn’t bad any more. Technically. 

The door to his bedroom flew open in a dramatic fashion he was more than prepared for. It was why he had made sure not to shut it all the way, and tape a thick layer of cardboard behind where the door knob would hit the wall. He was still fairly certain he heard the drywall break. 

He looked up from his book into the murderous gaze of Felicia Hardy. He had the balls to smile at her. “Why hello Felicia, do you have what I want?”

“Where is he?”

“He’s perfectly safe. Now give me what I want.”

“I swear to god if you messed with my cat I will cut your balls off Peter Parker.”

“Kinky but he’s fine I promise. See?” He pulled up a picture on his phone then showed it to her. 

In the picture was an extra fluffy Mr.Fluffersons. Felicia didn’t know it but he had given the cat to Michelle. Michelle and Felicia had this weird animosity towards one another he didn’t quite get. So when Peter told Michelle his plan he didn’t even have to tell her the reason why. She was more than happy to help mess with Felicia. 

Felicia frowned at the photo like her cat had been shaved. “What did you do to him?”

He held his hands up in surrendering style. “I did nothing. My friend, however, simply gave him a bath then air dried him. She probably just got done trimming his nails and putting those little colored caps on his nails.” 

“You know I hate those, they’re tacky as all hell.” A pause then, “Don’t you have to be a groomer to put them on?”

“She knows people. Now if you give me what I want I’ll give you their location.” 

Felicia hesitated before throwing a large cloth bundle at him. He realized the string wrapped around it was made of hoodie strings. Petty but he knew how to fix that. He untied them to find all five of his hoodies waiting for him. He counted the strings in his hands, there were five of them. 

“Excellent, they’re at Doggy Care Hut. Michelle knows the owner of the store there.” 

“You know, there are better ways to make me want to break up with you.” 

Peter stood up and wrapped her in a hug, “But you wuv me too much.” 

“You kidnapped my cat for some hoodies you asshole!” 

“You stole my hoodies first! I tried to ask for them back but then you hid them from me in one of your many safe houses. It’s getting cold and I need them unless you want a frozen Spider-Man.”

This whole time Felicia hadn’t attempted to break free from him. She did glare at him the whole time though. Finally she sighed, “You could have just bought more.”

“For you to steal? I think not.”

“Fine, but let me go so I can get my cat.”

He did as she asked. She took off out of his room easy to get her cat back at any cost. She popped her head back in a moment later, “Oh and we’re noting having sex for like a week you know this right?”

Peter simply smiled at her, “The cost was well worth it.” 


End file.
